It's been about 3 1/2 years since I started this blog, and from the beginning it has always been title the "i hate kyler club". At first, I've always recognized this title as simply being a joke that stemmed from comments some of my friends made jokingly in high school. These weren't some of my better friends and the joke really didn't last for very long. So it wasn't some sort of long running joke that was really funny that I thought would make a good blog title.
There was something else in the title that has always resonated with me. I'm not self hating or depressed. From all of my post it is fairly obvious that I enjoy life immensely. So how could such a negative title be fundamentally correct about myself?
It is because the question is flawed. The "i hate kyler club" is only referring to my ego. Who I really am, is not my ego. Since I have clearly defined a difference between who I really am, and my ego, the "i hate kyler club" means nothing to me. My internal self simply does not believe it and ignores it, while my ego makes up hypothetical situations where someone could actually hate me.
So the blog is simply a representation of my ego to the world. It is the voice in my head speaking to everyone who is willing to read it. It is also an archive of my past and predictions of my future. My ego identifies entirely with what I have written out and posted over the last years. My ego tries to impress the world with it high minded ideas and my various feat of skills. Even in this post, my ego is trying to impress you with the fact that I figured all this stuff out.
This subject of ego and your real self, is a topic that got started when I started reading "A New Earth". To begin with the most embarrassing fact about this book, yes it is an Oprah Book Club book. Many people I have met general hold long standing bias's against any books suggested by such a media icon and always suspect them to be false in some way. If you do read this book, do keep those bias's in mind as this book could be taken to be true to easily. By taking the ideas in the book too easily, you may miss the point. Oprah is even podcasting free "classes" with the author, which are almost good enough to explain the whole concept without the need of the book.
I don't yet feel I've known about this subject long enough to really give a good explanation. If you really are interested in understand what I have just written about and most likely understanding yourself better, please simply get the book or listen the podcasts.
I can offer this link to a video that I saw after beginning to read this book that offers a more scientific look a this duality of the ego and your underlying self.
My Stroke of Insight
Since watching this video, I have formed my own opinions which I believe differ from those of the "New Earth" book. I generally feel that the ego and the underlying self need to be held at a more equal footing. The book seems to be driving towards a goal of getting rid of ego (I haven't finished the book, do not quote me on that), while I don't believe that is a good idea.
And if you are wondering while my blog title isn't capitalized? It's because I subconsciously knew that my ego was never that important.
Kyler (or kyler?)
5 comments:
:)
I was never a part of the club, but I always enjoy your posts. I guess I like your ego?
This is such a convoluted explanation, for something which can be explained so simply! Is it not conceivable that you just plain hate yourself?
I don't know whether you've been an outcast or what, but you obviously think "Kyler is worthless" is some sort of obvious statement. It's not a symbol of any sort of conflict, it's just a given that you are not worth anything.
"I hate Kyler" is a respectable opinion in your view, and you think you've got more of a chance making friends if you adhere to it. But a person who goes around asking people to pity him is not likely to make friends. So you've got yourself in this awkward position, where you tell people that you hate yourself but no really, you don't hate yourself.
I call bullshit.
You hate yourself, pure and simple. These mental gymnastics you're performing, separating yourself from yourself so you can hate yourself without hating yourself, doesn't convince me. It strikes me as intellectual dishonesty.
There are only two logical positions here, and jumping back and forth isn't going to cut it. You can either say, unambiguously, that you are a worthless person and you hate yourself, or you can say unambiguously that you are not a worthless person and you do not hate yourself.
Both options have their merit: say you're worthless, and you've got a ready excuse for whatever you do. Say you're not worthless, and people might respect you someday.
But make up your mind. The only person you're fooling is yourself.
By the way, do you have a clinically-approved neurological title to hide behind? I hear they're all the rage these days.
Unfortunately I don't have a clinically-approved neurological title to hide behind.
I'm sure I don't hate myself. It would be ridiculous to try to convince you of this, since I'm fairly sure this is a common lie amongst humanity.
As for "Kyler is worthless". Yes, in my train of thought this is true. "Kyler" is my ego and I don't spend to much time protecting it or coveting it. This however is much easier said than done as I am certain my ego still does a pretty good job of coveting and protecting itself.
But your argument about this rests on thinking that it is "intellectually dishonest" to separate yourself from yourself. I must disagree with this statement since I am currently reading "A Stroke of Insight" which provides scientific evidence about the distinct divisions between the left and right hemispheres of the brain. And I have read "A New Earth" which provides qualitative examples of this effect which I believe I have felt myself.
Therefore I don't feel I have broken any logical barriers. I deeply like part of myself, and I can at the same time brand my blog as the "i hate kyler club" without wholly lying to myself.
It is a title to grab attention and hopefully get people interested enough to actually read some of the blog to figure why it is as it is.
The only thing I think you skipped over is that in any case it is still a very pretentious and overly complicated title. I can't deny that.
hi
Post a Comment